Have you ever miss your old-self? Or feeling a deep hollow inside your heart? Maybe your soul needs something that you lost, or the future seems to be unclear?
Well, that’s what happened to me recently. I cannot even know myself anymore. I am staring at my reflection on the mirror, I see me, I see my face, but I don’t recognize who that was. I lost me. I keep digging and digging to find myself everyday. I ask people around me about their life, do they already find them in them, and how to find it. Some said they already know themselves, yet some didn’t even understand my question. It’s okay, you will never know the taste if not based on own experience.
But let me get this straight. I think before I know the answer, I should find out the question first. After all of this struggle time, I finally realized something: my inner soul cannot accept the truth that I am now grown-up. I am still not ready with what is happening now, at my now age, now situation, and now challenges. My heart is not ready with all of those changes in the past. That’s why I miss my old life and lose the direction of future.
I am now rebuilding my dreams, cleaning up the old useless memories, keep digging my talent, practicing more, meet new friends, pray more, believe more, have faith bigger in God, listen more, reduce my childish thoughts, less drama, and I think I get better and better everyday. I am in competition with no one in this world – so I don’t have to be envy for anyone’s success. I believe that everything is works for my good – that’s what my God said (Romans 8:28) and will always be beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). I have no reason to stay in sorrow because I have a – beautiful – future according to His plan on me (Jeremiah 29:11).
Still, there’s a thing that I have to understand so I can forgive myself in the past, and get over it.
“At some point, we have to accept the reality that there’s some people who just can live in our heart, not in our life.”
And oh. Don’t forget to forgive yourself.
Have a blessed days, Absconders!